MST3K #505: The Magic Voyage of Sinbad (sic)

And now, #505, as a Russian folk hero pretends to be Sinbad.

Vikings be different from Persians, you see.

A 1953 award-winning film, based on a classic opera. Seems like a perfect film for Roger Corman to buy and adapt, right? Except for one problem -- it's Russian, and we're at the height of the First Cold War. So his screenwriter (some guy named Francis Something-or-Other Coppola) renamed the hero "Sinbad," and changed the setting to Arabia. The original film is fantastic, imaginative, and has great production value. The reworked, commie-free version has bad dubbing and doesn't make a lot of sense. (The message still retains a little anti-capitalist flavor, though in an inoffensive kiddie-movie way.)

Skinbag discovers the snack that smiles back

Sinbad ... um, I mean Sadko, sells his hat to free a slave, catches a golden fish (with some help from Neptune's daughter), kidnaps a horse, beats up a lot of guys, plays human chess, kidnaps a bird-lady, sacrifices himself to Neptune, and fails to find the bluebird of happiness ("It's the Grackle of Weltschmerz"). 

I've seen two of the Russo-Finnish quadrilogy before (I saw The Day The Earth Froze and Jack Frost more or less upon their original airings, and adored them both), and I'm looking forward to The Sword and The Dragon before the end of March. They're always huge, goofy, perfect fodder for our friends to watch. 

Jestering is grueling!

And speaking of winning awards, let's talk host segments. For the first time in this binge, I've really enjoyed every single host segment. We first see Crow and Gypsy presenting a S.O.L.tie award (Tom: "Get Pricewaterhouse on the phone! I demand a recount!"), and then two classic inventions (chinderwear and the Rat Pack chess set). The jestering sketch is followed by a great town council, then Joel's bewildering catfish puppet, and topped off by Dr. F's friend Mr. Fistie.

The riffing is, of course, top-notch too. Besides the obligatory reference to Sinbad, they also mention Brad Garrett, Foster Brooks, Carrot Top, and Gilbert Gottfried. There's a questionable string of unrelated references to "Take Back The Night," the Rodney King jury, and even Stonewall.

This is my second episode in a row to mention: Dean Martin (now retired), I Dream of Jeannie, Jack Nicholson, Arby's, "Don't eat refrozen ice cream," The B-52s, and The Mary Tyler Moore Show. It's the third of four to mention Captain Crunch, The Marx Brothers, and Indiana Jones. And four of my last five episodes have mentioned: Blazing Saddles and The Flintstones (which join Martin and Lewis, The Wizard of Oz, Python, Beatles and Stones, and 1960s TV Batman in the ranks of references I've stopped counting).

A joke I had to look up: "It's Steve Martin's World of Birds."
A joke that just became relevant again: "They're test-marketing Crystal Pepsi."
My favorite joke: I loved "Man, I never knew Arabia was so Russian!" but I also have a soft spot in my heart for Joel's take on a really obvious model shot: "I've glued you all to the boats and put rods in your limbs for a reason!"
Overall, I rate this episode 10/10. Just flawless in most every respect.

Up next, I'm watching #509: The Girl in Lover's Lane.

MST3K K01: Invaders from the Deep

A few prefatory remarks: I'm really really really excited that there will be new episodes of Mystery Science Theater 3000 any month now. I bought a crapload more DVDs from Shout Factory during their Thanksgiving sale, so I'll be watching all those DVDs up there, plus a select few additional episodes, while I count the minutes till new episodes. I haven't seen around half of these episodes before, and few of them in the last decade, so this should be a lot of fun. I've got 36 shows to watch, and plan to get through at least two a week. I hope to finish before the new season is available, though that's a piecrust promise if I ever made one.

My first episode was recently unearthed, and it's the first full-length MST3K ever, Invaders from the Deep.

The movie is four episodes of a Supermarionation TV show from 1964, cut together into a package film. The show was lost until just a few months ago, and Joel Hodgson was pleased to present it as a gift for his Kickstarter backers.

As the first real episode, this is rough. Like, rougher than you think. Whole minutes go by with just silence from Joel. I spent the first half hour counting comments, and got less than thirty. (I also counted ones that made me laugh, and only came up with six, though I feel like the laugh ratio increased later in the episode.)

I do love the original door sequence, which somehow I've never seen before. As far as production value, that one part seems to age better than anything else in this season. And the whole thing just feels right. Sure, it's early, but the aesthetic of the finished show is there, like early garage demos from your favorite band.

Joel's in the theater by himself for a long time. Finally, Crow (voiced by Josh!) shows up, and makes a few level-one robot jokes, though I did really enjoy his comment about Beernuts.

For the most part, I spent most of my time laughing at the movie, rather than Joel and Crow, since the movie is so obviously laughable. The puppets are technically impressive (for marionettes), but so unexpressive. And since they're so unexpressive, it's hilarious to hear the voice actors emote so highly. For no good reason, the sidekick's near-Gabby-Hayes voice made me laugh every time.

The plot of the movie is this: several nonhuman, undersea civilizations attack humanity. Each time, the WASPs (so appropriate) must fight to survive. The third time, they actively destroy an entire city, presumably murdering thousands of squareheads like that blue fella there. Some heroes.

I'm not sure how I feel about the full-on metajoke at the end of the episode, where Crow proposes his own puppethood and the nonexistence of the Satellite of Love. At the time, it was wildly ambitious for a local cowtown movie-host to do a joke like that, but I didn't think it was particularly funny. Maybe it's just too on-the-nose: the best thing about MST is that everything usually comes from an odd slant.

Joel has posted his extensive notes on the episode online, so if you MUST read more about it, feel free.

My favorite joke from this episode is as follows: The puppets are in a tight spot, and have had sweat applied to their foreheads to show it. Joel: "Are they sweating, or is that sap?"
A joke that hasn't exactly aged well: Crow's now-oblique Dukakis reference.
A joke I had to look up: "Isn't that Memphis Furniture?"

Odds I'll watch this one again: 1/10. It's so rough and so early, but I could conceivably do a whole series binge sometime in the next 50 years.
Overall, I rate this episode 3/10. There aren't enough jokes (and the ones there don't reach the complexity and quality of later years), but the movie is so loopy and a perfect target. (In his reminiscences above, Joel says they had a chance to remake this one later at Comedy Central, but decided against it, since it's too hard to slot in a lot of riffs. Too bad,)

You can't buy this episode outright, though Kickstarter supporters should be able to watch it on vhx.tv. If you're late to the whole thing but still want to join in, you can spend $40 and get the two lost KTMA eps here.

The Jim Henson Hour #2b: Lighthouse Island

(Click here to watch the original version, with Jim's opening narration)

Lighthouse Island is an old leftover pilot script, from the usually reliable genius Jerry Juhl, with a few hints of the energy and whimsy that made Jim's film experiments so consistently watchable. Unfortunately, it has more of the nonsensical dreamlike quality that frequently made those experiments hard to love. (Obviously, your mileage may vary, but I can't imagine ever watching Timepiece all the way through more than once. I love the energy and spirit, but it feels so undisciplined as a whole.)

Before we start properly discussing it, I'd like to talk about that opening narration. This special has seen several airings and releases since 1989, and apparently they all remove Jim's opening comments. In a show which desperately needs humor, I really like the juxtaposition of Jim saying "It's an ordinary little town" over that shot of a little girl taming a polar bear. And, without the narration, the opening scenic shots are picturesque (I totally want to visit this little town in Nova Scotia now), but maybe a little boring, polar bear or no.

And while he's here with us, let's discuss that bear. Look at that puppet. Standing still, it's perfectly believable. I feel a little churlish pointing out that its movements are distractingly imperfect, since the performer, Gord Robertson, is clearly a gifted mime. (He played Pa Gorg, among other Henson parts, and [along with the other two main Gorg body performers] even puppeteered Johnny 5 for Short Circuit 2! I can't help but wonder -- was he on set playing with Gerry "Doc" Parkes' priest?) I know a little bit about how those full-body costumes are performed, and can imagine the short time available for filming. I picture Robertson inside the bear, sweating and struggling to smooth out his motion. The problem is, I shouldn't be picturing that -- I should be seeing a polar bear.

The townspeople on Lighthouse Island are distracting in that same way, too. Each one seems to have several distinguishing quirks (this one's the bartender with the frog brooch and the parrot on his arm -- that one's the guy whom light never touches, with Jerry Nelson's voice) but it all feels prefabricated, deliberately whimsical for whimsy's sake. If the series had been made, I assume each character would've had more depth and development, and then maybe I could be drawn into human stories. Instead, we get this:

I'll say this: it's a great image. But, at the risk of hammering this nail too hard, it encapsulates what's wrong with the episode. Like the show's hero, we've just completed a tiring task (in our case, watching a grueling unfunny allegory about pollution), and we'd love refreshment (say, a charming, funny fairy tale). Instead, we get something both weird and unpotable.

The story is about a young man (Chris Makepeace, who was in Meatballs and My Bodyguard a decade earlier) trying to find a wedding present for his penpal/fiancee. Zeb Norman is headed to the shop of a mysterious woman, whom the townspeople seem to think is some kind of hexing witch, to get a pair of silver slippers.

Clara, the witch (played by, hey, Chris Langham's mother!), sets Zeb a task -- a different mysterious person has something she wants, something she has a dubious claim to, and Zeb must help her retrieve it if he wants those shoes. So they take a journey to Hog Island, and along the way they're attacked by a sea monster.

It just so happens that the sea monster is the man with that thing, which just so happens to be a magical transformation pearl. As a huge eagle and a tentacled beastie, Fred the shape-shifter (also Jerry Nelson) continues to attack Zeb and Clara, until they find and retrieve the pearl. They eventually return to Lighthouse Island as dawn breaks, and Zeb's fiancee finally arrives.

When we first see Rosalie, Zeb's fiancee, this is how she looks. She promises to tell him stories of the sea. His fortune included only a fish.

If you've never seen a fantasy movie, or heard a fairy tale, it may surprise you that Rosalie turns out to be a mermaid.

It didn't surprise me. But the second twist, revealed just seconds later, DID manage to surprise me, and feels like a satisfying conclusion to Zeb and Rosalie's story. Plus, Clara's transformation pearl, which we can assume she would put to some nasty use, is conveniently etched out of existence.

My enjoyment of the second twist almost makes me feel guilty for disliking the special as a whole. Almost. Perhaps it's my lack of enthusiasm for fantasy in general, but I can't help wondering practical things. Do mermaids and mermen wear a lot of sweaters? Can they swim well in them?

And even more practically: If I had a transformation pearl, and wanted only one thing in life, to become a merman, why would I trade that pearl, with a lifetime of magic, to a petty villain-in-training? The silver slippers only have one trick, but Zeb has seen firsthand just how powerful the pearl is. Maybe I just don't belong in a fairytale universe, where a handshake with even the most morally dubious person must be honored, no matter the cost. Maybe I'm just too jaded as a media consumer.

It's entirely possible that, with a heavy rewrite, this could've been a charming early 70's fantasy TV series. After all, Juhl and Henson were nearing the peak of their imaginative powers then. But, like a fish in a glass of cider, I just can't swallow it.

A Spoopy Month #9: More rehashed reviews

October 24, 2014:

Whoops, I missed my movie review yesterday. I'll try to squeeze in two today. The good news is, you've at least heard of both of them! In fact, we watched The Corpse Bride at Movie Night ages ago, though I didn't remember much of it. So I rewatched it.
I think I liked it a lot more the second time, though I still won't give Tim Burton any more credit as an original filmmaker, since this one is so incredibly similar to Nightmare Before Christmas.
I can't help but watch this and think of Tim Burton's personal life -- I'm surprised he didn't cast Helena Bonham Carter as the living girl, and Lisa Marie as the title character...

October 25, 2014:

So speaking of stop-motion animation, I next decided to rewatch one of the first stop-motion movies. King Kong wasn't the first (the same effects team worked on a 1925 film of Doyle's The Lost World), but it was the best. And, in many ways, it's still one of the most ground-breaking effects films ever. The team invented several important processes to marry stop-motion to live action film, in several different ways.
You all know I'm a big audio commentary nerd, and this was the very first movie ever to have a running audio commentary, thirty years ago! I haven't seen either of the remakes of this, but I'm strongly considering the 2005 version.
...and ten years later, the same studio, RKO, was still using a lot of the painted jungle backdrops from this movie. At least one appeared in I Walked With A Zombie.

October 25, 2014:

The Atomic Brain (AKA Monstrosity) is currently rated on IMDB as the 98th worst movie of all time. I think that's about right. [This is 2015 Mark breaking in to tell you this is no longer true. It's been upvoted in the last year, and no longer appears on the Bottom 100.] The movie concerns a prototypical mad scientist, who wants to expand the field of human transplantation, so he's been putting animal brains into people. He's got a guy with a dog brain, a lady with a cat brain, and at the end a cat with a lady brain (the physical size of the brain doesn't appear to matter -- he's such a good doctor he can fit a whole human brain into a cat's skull!). His old, rich employer, has hired three unsuspecting young ladies to have her brain implanted into them -- um, to clean her house.
This movie completes my trilogy of films featuring Americans doing horrible British accents -- the lady in this movie appears to forget at times she's supposed to be British. Really, the old lady from this movie was in Mary Poppins the next year, and Dick Van Dyke seems like a master of dialect compared to the actress from The Atomic Brain.
I'm kind of embarrassed, actually. I watched this whole thing without realizing it was on Mystery Science Theater. And that I'd seen the MST3K version. And that I owned it on DVD. And so I rewatched the MST version, and could only remember having seen a few of the host sequences... Anyway, it's in the public domain, so if you wanna watch it, there's a link at the bottom of that Wikipedia page.

October 26, 2015:

Night Tide. He was a sailor; she was a mermaid. Well, maybe she was.
This is the most surprising movie I've watched all month: it's certainly atmospheric, and it has a few "eerie, strange, macabre" scenes (to quote the poster), but it's neither a horror movie nor a monster movie. It's a pretty effective story, methinks, and this is one of the two new-to-me movies from this month I'll gladly watch again (the other is I Walked With A Zombie).
This has a few familiar faces in it: besides a young, fresh-faced Dennis Hopper, the evil old lady from The Atomic Brain plays a really sympathetic (and really accurate) fortuneteller, and Vincent Price's sister from Pit and The Pendulum is a sweet merry-go-round operator and dispenser of endless cups of coffee.
Almost the entirety of the action takes place on the Santa Monica Boardwalk, so this movie acts as a great time capsule of that place and time. Again, this one is in the public domain, and the bottom of that Wikipedia page has a link to watch it. This one's worth it.

Stay tuned, folks: our next capsule reviews include two vampire movies, a dreadful Disney family film, and a killer clown.

A Spoopy Month #3: Some capsule reviews, part one

So this blog really started last October, when I watched 20 horror movies and posted capsule reviews for my close friends on Facebook. I didn't actually start this blog officially till December, but the reviews of Christmas TV were inspired by my enjoyment of reviewing stuff again. So I'm gonna repost those here. These are all short, so I'll post a handful at a time till I run out.


Oct 15, 2014:

I've been watching a lot of horror movies this October. I'll talk about one a day till the end of the month. I finally rewatched The Cabin in the Woods, off my new Bluray of it, and I think the second viewing is just as good as the first. That's a movie that will live in my head forever. Is it a metaphor for our military complex, or just a loving hate-letter to slasher movies? Me, I think it's a metaphor for our stupid lizard brains, the ones that lead us to consistently hurt others, purposely and accidentally, in an attempt to follow our own desires. But for all that, there sure are a lot of huge snakes, evil demons, and bloodgushers.
I'm not a big haunted house guy, but last year this was turned into two different houses: one at Universal Orlando, and one at Thorpe Park, which had branching hallways, so you could choose your own destiny to a point. Damn, I wish I could've seen one of those.

     

Oct 16, 2014:

So the second horror movie I saw this month was Roger Corman's 1961 adaptation of The Pit and The Pendulum. Well, I say "adaptation." Really, it only contains 1) A pit, 2) A pendulum, and 3) An Inquisition-era torture chamber. All the rest is an invention of Richard Matheson, who also published his short story "Nightmare at 20,000 Feet" the same year. It's barely related to Poe, but it's not otherwise bad: production values are pretty good. And, though his acting is far from subtle, this was before Vincent Price had descended into Shatnerian levels of self-parody. If you wanna watch a 1961 movie about torture and psychosexual horror, this isn't a bad choice.

While I don't like the style of the fantasy sequences much, I love that Corman shot them in black and white because he'd read that, at the time, psychologists believed most people dreamed that way.

 

Oct 17, 2014:

Corman's fourth Poe film, Tales of Terror, is a compilation of three short films, each starring Vincent Price. The first, "Morella," is a fairly straightforward retelling of that story, reusing (for at least the second time) the house-consuming fire footage from his first Poe film, Fall of the House of Usher. The second short is the best, entitled "The Black Cat" but much more inspired by "The Cask of Amontillado." It's great fun to watch Price and Peter Lorre have a wine-tasting competition, and you just know Lorre's breakdown at the end of the story is going to be big, big, big. The third, "The Facts in the Case of M. Valdemar," has Basil Rathbone as an evil hypnotist, changing the original story into a revenge tale (so all three stories share that theme.) I think this is the best of the three Corman Poe movies I watched this month. The digest format makes sure that things move along at a brisk pace, and there's very little slowness to it.

Oct 18, 2014:

Roger Corman's seventh (!) and penultimate Poe adaptation, The Masque of the Red Death, represented a change in production and style for the series. It was filmed in London (to take advantage of certain tax schemes) and credited a lot of British people who did little work on the actual movie. Like "The Black Cat" from Tales of Terror, Masque... interpolates another Poe story into the action. "Hoptoad" is a Poe story I was completely unfamiliar with until this film, and its inclusion is one of the best aspects of the script. For some unknown reason, the decadent Prince Prospero is a Satanist in this version of the story, and there's a lot of nonsense about worshiping The Dark One and "Your God is dead." The script for this wasn't written by Richard Matheson, but two other TV writers, Charles Beaumont (who wrote a lot of Twilight Zones) and R. Wright Campbell, who mostly worked on Westerns. I wouldn't bother with this, unless you're the most obsessed Poe completist in the world.
One footnote: the sweet, innocent ingenue of the movie is played by a young British model and actor named Jane Asher. The story goes that, during filming in '63, her boyfriend, a musician, was about to play his first London gig and he visited her on set the day prior. Corman met him, declined an invitation to attend the show, and wished him luck. That kid's name was Paul McCartney. So the story goes, but the story comes from Corman, and I suspect he's a bit of a fabulist and self-promoter above all else...

So the next four year-old reviews I'll post include one last Price/Corman film and three early horror films from the 40's. Stay, as they say, tuned!