And now, #322. It's got a white ninja, a mediocre TV hero, and a few minutes of Demi Moore.
Here's another "movie" that never saw theaters. The TV show was chunked and formed into seven different movieloaves, and I'm going to watch two of them. The first one has guest spots from Demi, Claude Akins, Clu Gulagher, and Deliverance's Bill McKinney as a corrupt cop. (The DVD bonus has an interview with him, and he seems to have enjoyed watching this one. I'll see him again in Final Justice).
Lee Van Cleef is an aging ninja, looking for an apprentice, since all the Asian ninja he instructed have turned evil. Luckily, there's another American (a Van Patten, even) who wants to learn the tricks of the trade, and help out some oppressed folks in the bargain. Lee Van Cleef and Timothy Van Patten, driving around in a van. It's a triple-van show.
Sidebar: Why did the TV of the 70's and 80's have so many traveling heroes? Just this week, I watched Claude Akins in an episode of his 1972 trucker action show, Movin' On, since it was partially filmed at Six Flags Over Georgia. In that episode, Claude gives up a lucrative Bible-hauling contract to help an old man in his foolish dream to launch his redneck hot-air-balloon into a race.
And speaking of old men, the second episode... um, half of the movie... features an old hoofer. Charlie Collins hadn't acted in 30 years, and they show us a clip from his best-known movie, The Dancing Pirate (which I've seen before, since I watch more pirate movies than any reasonable person should). Then, Collins does a short dance in the current day. I'm not sure exactly how or why he shows up here. (Was he friends with the director?)
One more note: during the climactic tightrope sequence, who the hell carries the briefcase full of money across? It's not in anyone's hand. Are we supposed to just ignore it? Tim's clearly carrying it just seconds later.
And I like the riffing here, a lot. ("I've got a bad feeling about that knick-knack shelf.") There are a few then-zeitgeisty jokes about Japanese folks buying everything, and Crow affects a pretty offensive accent for a few minutes, but they mostly steer clear of that trap. For no good reason, there's a run of dark jokes about actresses (Isadora Duncan's scarf, Edie Sedgwick's cigarettes, even a really tasteless one about Katherine Hepburn). There's a huge slam on Stephen J. Cannell out of nowhere, and even a random line from a Thurl Ravenscroft Disney TV theme song. Tom impersonates Jack Perkins (well) and Barry White (not so well).
This is my first (and second) Prince joke, and an early mention of Dream On!, before it shut out MST at the Cable ACE awards. It's also the first time I've heard something other than "Mighty Science Theater" over the closing credits. This is my second episode in a row to reference: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, Planet of the Apes, and The New Monkees. This is the third episode in a row to mention: Jerry Lewis, Dairy Queen, and "Hikeeba!"
A joke I had to look up: "Looks like Clarence Thomas's wife."
A joke that didn't age well: "You know, these Robert Bly weekends are getting more and more intense."
My favorite joke: I really love how game Frank is to play along during the middle host segment. He's gotten all dressed up, and doesn't even get to finish the word "showtime" before Dr. F. shuts him down. Poor Frank.
Up next, #324, Master Ninja II.
