Showing posts with label theme parks. Show all posts
Showing posts with label theme parks. Show all posts

Wednesday, August 5, 2020

Better On A Boat

Here's an essay I wrote because I couldn't easily answer a friend's question during conversation this week. It doesn't really fit even the very-loose strictures of this blog, but I need to post it somewhere. So if you want to read 1200 words about theme park theory, or click each link and watch hours of ridethroughs, I hope you enjoy getting into the weeds with me. (Thanks to the brothers of Wedway Radio for the title.)

Storytelling amusement rides (as opposed to the pure thrills of an unthemed coaster, Tilt-A-Whirl, or drop tower) can have varied aims: to set a mood; to explore a location; to capture vignettes of character, place, and time; and sometimes to tell an actual story. For the purposes of this discussion, I'm going to talk about these experiences as works of Capital-A Art. (I understand some people need more explanation and context for that, but that's better-argued other places by other people. I'm interested in techniques here.) I'm also going to speak in absolute terms here, even though many effects are more incremental, and work only in tandem with other elements.

At their heart, these rides, like poetry or songs or film, try to bypass our rational conscious brain. Using sound, light, the architecture (façade is a French word, meaning "false front") and surrounding areas of a park, and even smells, this artform attempts to convince us to suspend our disbelief. Our conveyance certainly plays a big part in this process. (Rides have two basic types of conveyance: the visible and the invisible. Visible conveyance, here, means you're supposed to notice the vehicle: Peter Pan's pirate ship exists in the reality of the ride, like our hangglider in Soarin' or Spiderman's SCOOP. The invisible conveyance is supposed to be ignored once we're in, like the cars in the Fantasyland Snow White/Alice rides, the Doom Buggies in The Haunted Mansion, or classic old-school haunted houses. Both types, whether we're supposed to ignore them or not, still affect our experience.) 

Different forms of transport feel different, ever since cars and electrical power became common experiences around the same time (relative to human history). I'm going to talk too much about the history of transportation here, in a rough order of development, but it's probably necessary to belabor my point. 

When we walk, we control (as much as possible): speed, direction, our orientation relative to motion, even our eyeline height. When we walk, we are in control and our conscious mind feels that. We have agency.


An animal or boat can be steered to a point, but they both seem to have a mind of their own. A horse won't jump something too high, and without a powerful motor a boat is prey to the whims of many currents. And they're both dependent on navigable pathways. Chance takes a role, and human agency isn't complete.

A hot air balloon can be made to go up or down, and some rudders might help steer. Airships steer better, and actual planes can be steered really well. The winds and air currents can still affect us, but a human has a large measure of control, even if it's not us personally. We subconsciously feel the intent, and in art that feels like creative structure. (Soarin' Over California worked so well because it felt unstructured -- we suspend our disbelief, and fly on the air currents. Each discovery feels organic, and we just ignore the trappings of art, the cuts and score. Soarin' Around the World is too big a topic, and each scene is visibly working hard to be perfect, with no "mistakes" like the skiier falling to rebuild the illusion. SATW is too precious -- we happen to be there just when the whale splashes, so it feels like fake magic instead of a lucky accident.)

A railroad is structure incarnate: very limited pathways, decided years in advance, no diversions allowed. A human chose the available paths, and every second someone has picked which path, and the speed we move. An electrical bus-bar ride (like the old-school haunted houses or the Fantasyland dark rides) is like a train. You can choose which direction to look, but your path and speed are deliberately chosen. Our subconscious knows that, even as we consciously ignore that for the pleasure of art. 

A boat ride still feels more organic to us. There's rarely a pilot: we're floating on a river, we feel, and whatever's around that next bend just happens to be there -- a person couldn't have built this clearly ten-thousand year-old river just to trick and delight us. Our speed and direction are just as controlled as they would be on a bus-bar, but our ancestral relationship to waterways helps us forget that.


Obviously, some themes are better attuned to boating: Pirates of the Caribbean, log flumes, The Jungle Cruise. But storytelling rides can sometimes fool us better, hide the structure, and increase our enjoyment of pretending to believe, in a boat. Some nonboat rides are better themed to boats, but it's much cheaper to build a bus-bar. 

So why is it's a small world in a boat? It's not obvious thematically. The promotional materials made hay of "traveling the seven seas", even if we see The Eiffel Tower, The Taj Mahal, etc, which aren't exactly accessible by steamship. I think that one works better because it's so cartoony -- everything is deliberately fantastic, so perfect. The OG version from the 1964 New York World's Fair and Disneyland's transferred version funnel the boats through deliberately, obviously constructed blue concrete troughs. We're on water, and the floating feel constantly bounces us a little, just enough to nudge our subconscious into a more authentic mood. 

The IASW rebuild at Walt Disney World changed very little. The important change is from blue troughs to a flooded reality. We're still on a predetermined track, but each room has water up to the edge of the show scenes, and that fools us even more. We feel like we're randomly floating, which makes the exact same scenes more surprising in their details. Isn't it amazing, we feel, that we happened upon this? (This essay was inspired by the Alton Towers IASW-alike ride from 1981, Around The World in 80 Days. That ride is on a boat, presumably only because Small World is on a boat. It doesn't particularly need to be a boat ride -- anything even remotely resembling ...80 Days makes more sense to me as a hot-air balloon ride.) 

There are certainly pirate-themed rides, and Small-World knockoffs, that run electric cars through the scenes, but they don't feel the same. The jerky car movement makes it more difficult for us to deny the agency of the creators' decisions, so it doesn't seem like anything just *happens*. (At the risk of going too far afield in this discussion, I've also ridden a few hybrid types. During the rain scene in The Many Adventures of Winnie the Pooh, our hunnypot starts rocking, as if the room is flooded, which is a fun cartoony effect after we've bounced with Tigger earlier. Pigeon Forge boasts The Jurassic Jungle Boat Ride, which uses a boat on a mechanical track. The speed is always controlled by the (loud) mechanisms, not water flow. We're always aware that the boat isn't floating free, though the ride has different, and frankly bigger, problems being convincing. I haven't yet been to Singapore, to ride the other notable hybrid form of fully-controlled boat.) 

Using a boat doesn't necessarily improve a ride, if the ride has other problems. But, if it can be fit into the theme, adding real water to the ride gives it a more natural tone, makes it more organic. Humans like to play, and we like to believe. Riding on water, instead of sparking metal, somehow makes that easier.

Saturday, April 1, 2017

Savory Saturday: Sopa Azteca and Tacos Vegetales


Hi, all. It's April, and I'm back from my vacation. I ate farrrr too much unhealthy food, most of which was delicious indeed. This is the only review I'll be writing about my vacation food, though. My wife and I have a tradition of eating in the San Angel Inn at Epcot, which has some of the best restaurant ambiance anywhere in the world.

Sidebar: Not that you asked, but the ride which begins alongside this restaurant has gotten a big upgrade in recent years. I last rode it in 2013, and since then the finale video-screen has been replaced by animatronic figures of The Three Caballeros. They're ancient, in audio-animatronic terms -- they've existed in basically the same form for 46 of the 55 years since Disney started producing AAs. But, they give the ride a real sense of climax. My absolute favorite theme-park blogger, Foxxfur, had this to say

The initial climax of Gran Fiesta Tour was just another screen in the back of a stage, and I always found the animation on that final screen to be less inspired than the rest of the animation in the attraction, and especially weak compared to Ward Kimball's masterpiece song sequence from the 1946 film. There's now something that neither El Rio nor Gran Fiesta Tour had in that space: a real sense of payoff, that you rode the boat and reached a goal for a darn good reason.

Sometime since my last visit, there's been another change. The restaurant has finally stopped serving my old favorite, the duck tacos. It seemed wrong to eat duck outside the entrance to a ride which contained a dark joke about Donald's cousin being roasted and served to diners, but they were always tasty. I got a vegetable taco plate instead (and, as you can see, Donald seems happy about the change). The vegetables were well-seasoned, and blended well with the cheese and crema on top. 

I also got the tortilla soup, a perennial favorite of mine in any form. Besides the broth and tortilla strips, it also has avocado, peppers, and cheese. (You can read the official descriptions of both from the menu here.) As always, the ambiance was more impressive than the food here. (But how could it not be?) If you're ever in the area, and have both the funds and even a slight appreciation for Mexican food, I recommend this restaurant with all my heart. Why not make a reservation now?

Monday, February 13, 2017

MST3K #322: Master Ninja I

And now, #322. It's got a white ninja, a mediocre TV hero, and a few minutes of Demi Moore.


Here's another "movie" that never saw theaters. The TV show was chunked and formed into seven different movieloaves, and I'm going to watch two of them. The first one has guest spots from Demi, Claude Akins, Clu Gulagher, and Deliverance's Bill McKinney as a corrupt cop. (The DVD bonus has an interview with him, and he seems to have enjoyed watching this one. I'll see him again in Final Justice).

Lee Van Cleef is an aging ninja, looking for an apprentice, since all the Asian ninja he instructed have turned evil. Luckily, there's another American (a Van Patten, even) who wants to learn the tricks of the trade, and help out some oppressed folks in the bargain. Lee Van Cleef and Timothy Van Patten, driving around in a van. It's a triple-van show.

Sidebar: Why did the TV of the 70's and 80's have so many traveling heroes? Just this week, I watched Claude Akins in an episode of his 1972 trucker action show, Movin' On, since it was partially filmed at Six Flags Over Georgia. In that episode, Claude gives up a lucrative Bible-hauling contract to help an old man in his foolish dream to launch his redneck hot-air-balloon into a race.


And speaking of old men, the second episode... um, half of the movie... features an old hoofer. Charlie Collins hadn't acted in 30 years, and they show us a clip from his best-known movie, The Dancing Pirate (which I've seen before, since I watch more pirate movies than any reasonable person should). Then, Collins does a short dance in the current day. I'm not sure exactly how or why he shows up here. (Was he friends with the director?)

One more note: during the climactic tightrope sequence, who the hell carries the briefcase full of money across? It's not in anyone's hand. Are we supposed to just ignore it? Tim's clearly carrying it just seconds later.


And I like the riffing here, a lot. ("I've got a bad feeling about that knick-knack shelf.") There are a few then-zeitgeisty jokes about Japanese folks buying everything, and Crow affects a pretty offensive accent for a few minutes, but they mostly steer clear of that trap. For no good reason, there's a run of dark jokes about actresses (Isadora Duncan's scarf, Edie Sedgwick's cigarettes, even a really tasteless one about Katherine Hepburn). There's a huge slam on Stephen J. Cannell out of nowhere, and even a random line from a Thurl Ravenscroft Disney TV theme song. Tom impersonates Jack Perkins (well) and Barry White (not so well).

This is my first (and second) Prince joke, and an early mention of Dream On!, before it shut out MST at the Cable ACE awards. It's also the first time I've heard something other than "Mighty Science Theater" over the closing credits. This is my second episode in a row to reference: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, Planet of the Apes, and The New Monkees. This is the third episode in a row to mention: Jerry Lewis, Dairy Queen, and "Hikeeba!"

A joke I had to look up: "Looks like Clarence Thomas's wife."
A joke that didn't age well: "You know, these Robert Bly weekends are getting more and more intense."
My favorite joke: I really love how game Frank is to play along during the middle host segment. He's gotten all dressed up, and doesn't even get to finish the word "showtime" before Dr. F. shuts him down. Poor Frank.

Up next, #324, Master Ninja II.

Sunday, December 25, 2016

Christmas With Dave Foley #13: The Grand Finale

Dave's done a handful of other Christmas things over the years, most of which were too short to write whole blogposts about, so here's a roundup of all the ones I know about.

Waaaay back in 1996, the emotional heart of Kids In The Hall: Brain Candy took place at Christmas.



Sidebar: Remember how in Newsradio's second Christmas show, Dave and Lisa manage to visit his parents' house, but they can only stay a few minutes? It always reminded me of this scene.

In between full-length stories from the Prep and Landing elves, Wayne and Lanny had a shorter, special quest to fulfill in 2010's "Operation Secret Santa."


And just last month, Wayne and Lanny got another adventure, at Disney's Hollywood Studios in Florida, with a big projection/fireworks show, "Jingle Bell, Jingle BAM!" It's pretty standard as far as these types of things go, with a melange of quotes from wintry and Christmas scenes from the best-loved things in the Disney canon. It has a nice framing story, as the elves have to rescue Santa from Oogie Boogie.


And even more recently, just two weeks ago today, Dave appeared at a Christmas cabaret, and read a new poem, playing off one of my favorite KITH skits (which I linked to earlier this month), and it's a Seussian retelling of our frettingest, most cretinous, upsettingest election ever.


Finally, two holiday reminiscences from Dave. First, a short interview he gave for Coopers' Christmas, with a recollection of his childhood Christmases. Next, a memory of his favorite and best Christmas present.

And now, if I may, a short recitation:
On the twelfth day of Christmas, Dave Foley gave to me:
Twelve bad relations,

Thanks, Dave, for a great December.

I wish you a Merry Christmas! I wish you Happy Holidays! I wish you the best Bellini Day ever!

Monday, October 31, 2016

Monster Mansion Redux

I've written about Monster Mansion twice before, and those two posts provide a good introduction to what it is and why I care about it.

To sum up: it's an exclusive dark ride at Six Flags Over Georgia, with over 100 animatronics, a bunch of 4D effects, and a catchy, catchy theme song.

Rather than repeat anything else from what I just linked to, I'll just say this: I've only gotten to ride it once this year, and found that this soundtrack CD is no longer for sale at the park.

I'm not terribly surprised by that, really -- it was a niche product, and frankly they probably sold as many as they could, realistically. (I was also impressed with the physical item -- the CD booklet folded out to make that attraction poster, which I kinda wanted to frame.)

So I decided I would make this available to download for you. A lot of you who aren't theme park nerds won't care, but the rest of you might. So I zipped up the CD with all the artwork and a few extra things I've collected here and there. (If you like theme parks and aren't following the Goddard Group on Facebook, you should fix that immediately.)

If any of the owners or creative folks behind this are upset with my sharing, I'll pull it down immediately. Obviously, I own nothing and am just a huge fan of this unlikely, weird, wonderful achievement. I'd hate awfully to upset any of you. (If your contracts allow, you should consider making the music available digitally -- low overhead, and it can stay in print forever.)

Happy Halloween, everybody!