MST3K #413: Manhunt In Space

Well, I caught a cold, and that put me behind schedule at the worst possible time -- the release date for the new season was finally announced. It all drops on April 14. That means I've got just 46 days to finish my pregame binge. And with twenty more episodes to watch, I need to aim for one every two days. Seems like I won't make it, but I'll sure enjoy the attempt.

Anyway, today we're looking at #413, with some soapy clips and some space-spies.

Featuring Nurse Feratu

In an excerpt from the first season of General Hospital, doctors and nurses and patients soap it up, with long expository monologues and melodramatic speeches. The electric organ, as you might expect, is too high in the mix. Afterwards, the bots want to play soap opera, but Joel refuses to go along.

I guess Bill Paxton was just glad he didn't have to work with Helen Hunt in space.

And next, another movie that isn't. It's more TV episodes cut together, though at least this story was conceived as a single piece (take that, Master Ninja!). Rocky Jones is another one of those square-headed, cowboy-style space heroes, who solves every conflict with a fistfight, the old American way. (I'm glad to know that we haven't had anything like that happen on the ISS.)

Space pirates are capturing ships, stealing the cargo, and killing the crews, AND they've infiltrated the base of the heroes. Rocky and his irritating sidekick Winky use their invisible space-technology to find the mole and catch the bad guys. They get captured a LOT (this was originally three TV episodes, and I think the heroes get captured at least four times), and each time they have to punch their way out. In the meantime, the tiresome sidekick brags about his notional love life, and sings a cloying lullaby. I've seen the other MST'd Rocky Jones movie, though I'll be danged if I can remember anything about it. I hope Winky doesn't sing in that one.

Crow isn't a Stratocaster; Tom isn't the Golden Throat.

The riffs are up to the usual standard -- two fairly obscure Star Trek jokes I had to look up, plus mentions of Ted Knight, Mr. Mooney, Roy Lichtenstein, and Bettie Page. I really enjoyed the Mr. Wizard/Police Squad! style joke: "And that's how cattle are inseminated." (Speaking of Police Squad!, how obscure a reference is "Hey, it's the 'Sucker' Brothers"?!?) 

We learn a few trivia facts about our friends in this one: not only is Tom color-blind, but Joel apparently has a sister. (In the SciFi era, we would've seen Mike's sister, and she would've been Mike in a wig. In fact, I'll wager one American dollar that did happen.)

It's rare in this binge for me to watch two consecutive episodes, so I appreciated that Crow calls back the "good-natured brawling" from #412, just a few minutes after the well-aged callback to Fugitive Alien. But since these two aired in order, there aren't many repeated jokes. This is my second episode in a row to reference Captain Crunch, and the third to mention The Flintstones.

A joke that didn't age well: "What is this, Radio AHHS?"
A joke I had to look up: "When in Duluth, visit the Lift Bridge."
My favorite joke: Once again, I enjoyed the variant "Sturgeon! In! Spaaaaaaaace!", but the winner is clearly "It's like a million-to-one shot that we'll ever be seen." "Oh, they're on Comedy Central."
Overall, I rate this episode 9/10. Rocky's a little dull, but otherwise it's perfect.

Up next, it's #505, The Magic Voyage of Sinbad.

MST3K #412: Hercules and the Captive Women

It's #412, wherein Hercules rescues a captive woman. Just one.

This film is dedicated to Uranus

For Gypsy's first real riffing experience, our film is... weird. It's got huge production value, a silly script, and poor editing. ("Can God Himself make a plot so complicated that even He can't comprehend it?") This is like the eighth Hercules movie the crew had to sit through, and I know I've seen a bunch of them. I can't remember a single thing about the others, and I don't know how much of this one I'll remember either.

Herc fights a terrible lizard

Well, okay. I'll probably remember the scene where they clearly reuse an old dinosaur costume from another film. I was never a big fan of ancient myths, and I can't necessarily explain the difference between Zeus and Poseidon. So let's just say I'm not a fan of the franchise, and don't have much emotional investment in the characters. The idea that Hercules personally destroyed Atlantis is interesting, I guess. This film is goofy, but even its goofiness is kind of boring. I don't know that I'd ever want to watch it again, or any of the other Hercules MST episodes for that matter.

Sidebar: I have a bad habit of needing a nap halfway through the dullest MST films, and I probably could've dozed off during this one. Maybe that's why I'm so cranky. ...either that, or I'm jealous of all the naps Hercules takes as the plot unfolds around him.

The aftermath of good-natured brawling

And apart from Gypsy making a decent joke in the theater ("They're steam-cleaning the horses!") there's not much memorable in the riff department either. I enjoyed all the softballs the movie threw about Uranus, and how the gang reply to them. It's nice to have the clump of sugar cereal jokes (for unrelated reasons, they call out Lucky Charms, Captain Crunch, and Cocoa Puffs), and this is my first time hearing "Jim Henson's Fill-In-The-Blank Babies" during the binge.

This is my second episode in a row to reference: "Don't take the brown acid," The Six Million Dollar Man, The Marx Brothers, "John And Marsha," "Attica Attica Attica," Indiana Jones, Tahitian Treat, and The Flintstones. And it's my third time hearing about: The Rockford Files, The Simpsons, Gymkata, "Hooker was a good cop!," Blazing Saddles, and Prince.

Bonus feature alert: We get a nice feature on all the Shout! Factory poster art from Steve Vance, and Joel introduces the film.

A joke I had to look up: "We love you Conrad, oh yes we do." (Bye Bye Birdie is on my to-watch list, honest.)
My favorite joke in this one: "Tonight's Episode: Jack and Jill Went Up the Hill To Fetch a Pail of MURDER!"
Overall, I rate this one: 5/10. The jokes are good, but the dull movie just killed my joy.

Next, it's #413, Manhunt In Space.

MST3K #324: Master Ninja II

It's #324, and Grandpa Ninja saves the day again!

It's two more episodes of The Master, a ten-years-late ripoff of Kung Fu, with more obvious stunt doubles and goofier plots. McAllister and his junior partner have two more adventures, and first they help a five-years-late Norma Rae ripoff organize her cannery workplace. Then, they help a twenty-five-years-later Bond ripoff fight terrorists and rescue hostages. Along the way, McAllister gets to play with all his ninja toys ("Oh, he brought his sample case."), and Keller drives a motorcycle and a plane, and kisses two pretty girls.

Did I mention George Lazenby is in this movie? They cast him as a Bondian spy, with a handful of cool gadgets. (His sticky-tracker gun looks bulky to bring into a garden party, but what do I know?) There's also a big part for David McCallum, who was one of the M[e]n from UNCLE. (He's doing well for himself these days as Ducky on NCIS.)

Sidebar: One final note on a guest star... uh, cameo in this FILM. Robert F. Hoy, who plays Masterson in the second episode... uh, half of the film, must be friends with David McCallum. He played three different characters on three episodes of Man From UNCLE, and his last role listed on IMDB is a cameo on NCIS. (He also appeared in bit parts on a LOT of the shows Joel and the Bots mention: Magnum PI, BJ and the Bear, The Rockford Files, Mannix, Mod Squad, Bat Masterson. And, it should be pointed out, he squared the circle by appearing on two episodes of Kung Fu.)

This episode has two so-so host segments, and two that are AMAZING. The "General Timothy Van Patten" one, pictured above, is just perfect. It's got one great joke, and lasts not a second too long. After that, Tom's long explanation, assigning specific pets to fictional detectives, is perfectly skewed, nerdy, and hilarious.

The riffs hit more than miss. I loved "You didn't have to climb into a security-guard warehouse," and also laughed out loud at "Didja ever see Food of the Gods, buddy?" There's even a Stan Freberg deep-cut joke with "John!" "Marsha!" (And I love the nerdiness of Tom's mention of Foucault.)

This one has a lot of repeated jokes. Not counting callbacks to the last episode, this is my second episode in a row to mention: "I've always depended on the kindness of strangers," "I'll Be Seeing You," Lech Walesa, "Hooker's a good cop!," Blazing Saddles, The Rockford Files, Starsky and Hutch, Silly String, Gymkata, Prince, "Huzzah!," Knight Rider, "Stranger in Paradise," and "Mendozaaaa!" (That Simpsons joke was really fresh at the time -- that episode aired just two months before this one.)

It's the fourth in a row to mention "Hi-keeba!" and Jerry Lewis. (And the fourth of the last five to recall 1960's TV Batman. I'll stop counting these now, putting them in the same category as Python and Wizard of Oz and Beatles jokes [three in this episode, not counting two solo Paul jokes and the Rick Nelson "Garden Party" line].)

AND the DVD has a nice long bonus: a 2010 Dragon*Con panel about Tom with both Josh and Kevin talking about their history with, and views of, the character. I saw this ages ago on YouTube, and the picture quality still isn't great, but it's an amazing collection of the best Servo stories (and Kevin even pulls out the original hate-banner). It's hosted by superfan Ken Plume, who's posted, like, a dozen hours of interviews with various MST folks over the years on his podcast, A Bit of A Chat.

A joke that didn't age well:"She’s got a Landers sister quality."
A joke I had to look up: "Looks like a Paul Klee painting."
My favorite joke: I liked a LOT in this episode, but my absolute favorite was "Let's see a show of hands." "I lost my hand in a fish-chopper."

Overall, I rate this one 8/10. The movie is goofy and fun, and the riffing is absolutely top-notch. If there were one more great host segment, I'd give this 10/10.

Up next, I watch #412, Hercules And The Captive Women.

MST3K #322: Master Ninja I

And now, #322. It's got a white ninja, a mediocre TV hero, and a few minutes of Demi Moore.

Here's another "movie" that never saw theaters. The TV show was chunked and formed into seven different movieloaves, and I'm going to watch two of them. The first one has guest spots from Demi, Claude Akins, Clu Gulagher, and Deliverance's Bill McKinney as a corrupt cop. (The DVD bonus has an interview with him, and he seems to have enjoyed watching this one. I'll see him again in Final Justice).

Lee Van Cleef is an aging ninja, looking for an apprentice, since all the Asian ninja he instructed have turned evil. Luckily, there's another American (a Van Patten, even) who wants to learn the tricks of the trade, and help out some oppressed folks in the bargain. Lee Van Cleef and Timothy Van Patten, driving around in a van. It's a triple-van show.

Sidebar: Why did the TV of the 70's and 80's have so many traveling heroes? Just this week, I watched Claude Akins in an episode of his 1972 trucker action show, Movin' On, since it was partially filmed at Six Flags Over Georgia. In that episode, Claude gives up a lucrative Bible-hauling contract to help an old man in his foolish dream to launch his redneck hot-air-balloon into a race.

And speaking of old men, the second episode... um, half of the movie... features an old hoofer. Charlie Collins hadn't acted in 30 years, and they show us a clip from his best-known movie, The Dancing Pirate (which I've seen before, since I watch more pirate movies than any reasonable person should). Then, Collins does a short dance in the current day. I'm not sure exactly how or why he shows up here. (Was he friends with the director?)

One more note: during the climactic tightrope sequence, who the hell carries the briefcase full of money across? It's not in anyone's hand. Are we supposed to just ignore it? Tim's clearly carrying it just seconds later.

And I like the riffing here, a lot. ("I've got a bad feeling about that knick-knack shelf.") There are a few then-zeitgeisty jokes about Japanese folks buying everything, and Crow affects a pretty offensive accent for a few minutes, but they mostly steer clear of that trap. For no good reason, there's a run of dark jokes about actresses (Isadora Duncan's scarf, Edie Sedgwick's cigarettes, even a really tasteless one about Katherine Hepburn). There's a huge slam on Stephen J. Cannell out of nowhere, and even a random line from a Thurl Ravenscroft Disney TV theme song. Tom impersonates Jack Perkins (well) and Barry White (not so well).

This is my first (and second) Prince joke, and an early mention of Dream On!, before it shut out MST at the Cable ACE awards. It's also the first time I've heard something other than "Mighty Science Theater" over the closing credits. This is my second episode in a row to reference: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, Planet of the Apes, and The New Monkees. This is the third episode in a row to mention: Jerry Lewis, Dairy Queen, and "Hikeeba!"

A joke I had to look up: "Looks like Clarence Thomas's wife."
A joke that didn't age well: "You know, these Robert Bly weekends are getting more and more intense."
My favorite joke: I really love how game Frank is to play along during the middle host segment. He's gotten all dressed up, and doesn't even get to finish the word "showtime" before Dr. F. shuts him down. Poor Frank.

Up next, #324, Master Ninja II.

25 Days of Christmas #3b: "Mr. Plow"

It's not technically a Christmas episode, but it's on my previously-mentioned DVD of Simpsons holiday shows, so I watched it. It's one of the best-loved episodes, "Mr. Plow." This is from the fourth season, and unlike my previous episode, most things about the show are set in stone (most good things, anyway). This episode has two incongruous cameos from Linda Ronstadt and Adam West.

This is the second episode I saw in a row with a Batman reference, and I seem to remember this was the first burgeoning moment of Adam West's revival as a completely self-deprecating, unaware has-been-cum-celebrity.

As a quick review, Homer cracks up both of the family cars at once, and is bullied into buying a snowplow. He manages to build his plow business into a success, until Barney opens a rival plowing company.

This episode has a lot of memorable moments, and is the only episode I saw which featured my favorite Simpsons actor, Phil Hartman. I was excited to see Troy McClure in the opening moments of this show, since so often Lionel Hutz would appear in each McClure episode too. Sadly, that was not to be.

I have a vague recollection, from the audio commentary, that Matt Groening thinks one of the reasons this episode is so popular is that people never see snow on TV except during Christmas-specific stories.

As a Simpsons episode, I rate this 9/10.
As a Christmas story, I rate this 1/10 -- there's just nothing except snow, snow, snow.

I have at least two more episode reviews to write today, but I'm afraid I have to be at work in 8 hours. We'll get up to speed soon though.

The Simpsons - Christmas  The Simpsons: Season 4